As a counsellor, I notice something every year around Christmas.

Alongside the fairy lights, mince pies, and carefully curated Instagram cheer, people’s feelings get louder.

Sometimes much louder.

Christmas has a funny way of pressing emotional buttons we didn’t even know were wired. Old family dynamics resurface. Loneliness feels sharper. Expectations (our own and other people’s) pile up like plates after Christmas dinner. And for many, there’s a quiet sense of “Why don’t I feel how I’m supposed to feel?”

Spoiler alert: there is no “supposed to”.

For some people, Christmas is genuinely joyful. For others, it’s complicated. For many, it’s both — sometimes within the same hour. You can love the lights and dread the phone call. Enjoy the food and feel the ache of who’s missing. Laugh at the table and cry in the bathroom five minutes later. All of that is very human.

What I often hear in the therapy room around this time of year sounds a bit like:

• “I should be grateful, but…”

• “Everyone else seems fine — what’s wrong with me?”

• “I’m exhausted before it’s even started.”

• “I thought I’d be past this by now.”

Christmas has a way of shining a spotlight on relationships — the ones we have, the ones we’ve lost, and the ones we wish were different. It can stir childhood memories (both warm and wobbly), highlight boundaries we don’t yet have, and amplify that inner critic who loves to show up uninvited like a distant relative with opinions.

And here’s the bit I really want to say clearly:

Struggling at Christmas doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re paying attention.

This is where therapy can be surprisingly helpful — not as a way to “fix” Christmas or force cheerfulness, but as a place where you don’t have to perform. Therapy offers space to say the things that don’t fit neatly into festive conversations. Space to untangle why this time of year hits you the way it does. Space to breathe, reflect, and maybe respond to yourself with a little more kindness.

Sometimes therapy around Christmas is about:

• learning how to tolerate difficult family gatherings (or deciding you won’t)

• making sense of grief that feels louder in December

• understanding patterns that repeat every year like an unwanted Christmas single

• giving yourself permission to do things differently

• or simply having somewhere that isn’t asking you to be cheerful, productive, or “fine”

There’s no requirement to arrive with a dramatic crisis. You don’t need a capital-T Trauma or a perfectly articulated problem. You can come with a vague sense of “something feels off”, or “I’m tired of carrying this alone”. That’s more than enough.

If Christmas feels tender, heavy, confusing, or just a bit much this year — you’re not failing at it. You’re human. And you don’t have to navigate it on your own.

If you’re curious about therapy, or wondering whether it might be supportive for you right now, you’re very welcome to reach out. Consider this a gentle invitation rather than a pressure-filled New Year’s resolution. No fixing required. Just connection, curiosity, and a space where all of you is allowed.

And if nothing else, please know this:

however you’re feeling this Christmas — it makes sense. 🎄